dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
