Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
