I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
