I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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