You can't special order awesome
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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