i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
