You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
