I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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