Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
