New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
