His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize