At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
