this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
