Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
