please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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