can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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