If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
