If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
