Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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