Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
