hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
