The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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