P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
