i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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