So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
