I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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