Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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