an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
