The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
