He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
