Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
