Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
