So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
