In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize