i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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