Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
