I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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