What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i now understand why vodka
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
