Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize