it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
