if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize