If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
