in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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