my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
