um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We need a shit load of segways right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
