She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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