WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You're like the curious george of whores
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need to calm my uterus...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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