I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
