I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
