then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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