If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
