don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
