"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
