I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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