we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
