just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm at about main and main street
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
