the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Randomize