just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
