ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
