I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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