I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
