im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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